So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
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