White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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