I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
