The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
