piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
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