Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
