Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
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