JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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