Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
