my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Randomize
