I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
