Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Is it penis luge time yet?
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
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