Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
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