Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
