RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
