dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
