Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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