I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
