Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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