THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
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