Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize