you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
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