I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I will pee on everything he values.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
