We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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