i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
