When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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