I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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