She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Randomize
