Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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