It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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