So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize
