White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
