I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
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