you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
