Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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