I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Randomize
