Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize