in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Randomize
