Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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