I'll bet she douches with gravy.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
