My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
