Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
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