so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
im six kinds of drunk right now
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize