How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
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