I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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