I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
