get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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