he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
sarcasm needs its own font
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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