In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I wish i was in the wii world.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
