So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Randomize
