i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
We're too hungover to prance.
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