I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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