Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Randomize
