how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
