well you can't waste a boner
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
