Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
