I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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