I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
