he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
