Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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