its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
