Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
