I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Randomize
