Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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