Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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