I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Randomize
