i already hear my dad disowning me
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
These tits shall not be calmed
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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