roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
