remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
