you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
