i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
