i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
