hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
