Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
