Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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