Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
porn star boner night. come get it.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
