Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
