No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
