i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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