im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
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