i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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